First post from the Holy Land

I thought that with my first post, I would have a really clever title, one that people would read and be all "Whoah, she's really well-spoken, and stuff".
"Stuff", people. It's serious business.
Unfortunately, it's nearly midnight and past my bedtime, so stuff will have to wait for another day.

I've been promising my dad I'd write a new blog for a good three years now, which sort of puts the pressure on me to have this amazing travelogue which lets feel a little Zionist fervor stirring in their loins, arousing in them the desire to travel to Israel to follow in my trailblazing footsteps, stop at a few tourist attractions on the way, do some good for the Israeli people, relax on the beach and maybe have a little falafel.

Here is what will actually happen: That fervor stirring in your loins is the chlamydia you caught by putting down the toilet seat in the women's bathrooms at the falafel stand at the tourist attraction on the beach.

Welcome to Israel.

Don't get me wrong - I love this country. I'm Zionist like whoah. So Zionist, in fact, that when McGill was unable to place me in either in Montreal or the Greater Toronto Area, I requested to do my final internship here in Haifa. I'm not totally sure why this has been authorized, but I'm not asking too many questions.

Here is how I know that I need to brush up on my Hebrew a little more before feeling confident in my speech-language therapy skills during this placement: Last night, I attempted to both use my Hebrew and spread the Toronto love.

What I meant to say was: הסושי בטורונטו הכי טעים, כי בדרך כלל זה נעשה על-ידי סינים, ויש לנו קהילה סינית ענקית - Toronto sushi is the best, cause usually it's made by Chinese people, and we have a huge Chinese community.

What I actually said was: הסושי בטורונטו הכי טעים, כי בדרך כלל זה עשוי מסינים, ויש לנו קהילה סינית ענקית

Or: Toronto sushi is the best, cause usually it's made out of Chinese people, and we have a huge Chinese community.

And they actually allow me to come near small children.

I have been here nearly two weeks, and so as an update before I go to sleep, in the last two weeks, I:

• Have been to Haifa, then to Jerusalem, then back, all in one day. Estimated travel time - 6 hours on the bus, 4 hour stopover in Jerusalem's Jewish Quarter, 45 minute journey through the ultra-orthodox part of town)
• (Because I'm insane, that's why)
• Found my way to a tiny store in Jerusalem's Jewish Quarter from the Dung Gate all by myself without getting lost, having remembered it from two years ago. Progress.
  
• Have gotten over jetlag
• Have been to kibbutz clubs in the North, replete with the smell of cows in the parking lot and dogs on the dance floor
• Have been able to spit and hit Lebanon, though I didn't, cause that's rude
• Have moved in with The Safta in Haifa
  
• Have not been a burden to The Safta, despite popular opinion.
  
• Have procured my monthly bus-pass.
  
• Have been to the Grand Canyon Mall
• (Obviously)
• Have been to Aroma and various other coffee shops around the city.
• Have discovered that Cafein has the least expensive cappuccino, and that when you smile at the manager and say please and thank you, he gives you a chocolate timbit (or whatever they call them here) for free.
• Have wondered aloud at the unhealthy relationship between Haifa women and sequins.
• Have called home every other day if not more frequently to check on the bunny's bowel movements and the dog's general wellbeing.
• Have joined the world's most expensive gym, who definitely saw me coming a mile away
• Have actually been to the world's most expensive gym every single day since my membership came into effect, so there.
• Have been yelled at in Russian for not speaking Russian
• Have still not learned how to speak Russian. Assholes.
• Have not been to the beach
• (I knowwwwwww)
• Have plans to plant myself at the beach for the next two days until I start to take root.
• Have completed the first week of my internship. 11 weeks to go...
  

Hopefully, I'll be better at updating this as the weeks go by. Get excited.